brian's blog

Worried...

I don't tell many people about this, but somehow I just feel academically depressed, deprived. Not sure if I have learned much this semester.

The one thing that really bugs me is the 25 minute jury exam next month. My repertoire has been confirmed but somehow I just feel that the same thing will happen to me. My teacher thinks that I'm not musical enough. And he isn't really giving me much helpful advice. But I don't blame him. The teacher can only say so much in such an obscure area.

I hear so much music everyday, much of it is mostly uninteresting for most people that I know. Certainly, I wouldn't have difficulty in expressing myself. But why it isn't coming out of what I'm playing? Have I chosen the wrong profession? A thought such as this comes to me from time to time. Think I can call this 'mid-degree confusion'.

Ok, it's time for me to hit the practice room and try to be more musical. Hopefully, God will show me the way. I'm not expecting much. I'm not trying to get rich or all those material things. Just want to do well for this exam and all the other exams. On top, planning for the japan trip and to continue to help out and grow spiritually in OCF. Hope I'm not too greedy.

If I am, tell me. I can be too caught up in my idealist dimensions sometimes.

Be more musical, I guess. Here is my prayer for the day:

God, if you're on the internet and happen to come across this entry, help me. Amen.

posted by brian sim @ 11:33 am